By Steve-O, September 9, 2009 8:00 am

Note: Both Steve-O and Racki are away on vacation. We’ve left the ship on autopilot. So if some kick ass news happens like trading for Kovalchuk, pretend like you heard it here first, and pretend like this post still makes sense Racki is back September 10th.

I was thinking about the Oilers coaching staff and front office, and noticed one glaring problem.

There is a substantial lack of Oiler alumni here.

Everyone knows that to be a successful team you need to move former players from when your team was winning cups into positions such as head coach, GM and scouting. Sorry Vancouver.

If I were the owner this is the staff that I would put together to push this team back to glory.

GM – Wayne Gretzky

No big deal.

The man himself. He should be able to get some great deals in both free agency and trading due to the agents/other gm’s looking at him like he is savior of hockey. Good chance he’s able to get the league to remove the salary cap too now that it doesn’t help us.

Asst. GM – Mark Messier

At least he's not crying...

Someone to cry when we trade players. Lets players know that we care about them.

Cap Specialist – Kevin Lowe

I'm not sure what to do with my hands

No way he can fuck this up.

Coach – Esa Tikkanen

Subtitled speech

C’mon, just imagine him yelling at the refs. Gold.

Plus we wouldn’t need to employ a pest type player as he would perform the job from the bench.

Asst. Coach – Glenn Anderson

Only another cup

Take care of teaching the players patience, and some additional skills with the stick.

Asst. Coach – Jari Kurri

And another cup...ho hum

Translator for Tikkanen.  Teach players other than Hemsky how to capitalize on passes.

Asst. Coach – Paul Coffey

Lots of different types of rings were collected!

Defensive specialist and PK coach. Should ensure that the PK regains some luster and that everyone becomes defensively responsible.

Goalie Coach – Grant Fuhr

I tried looking but apparently they didn't let goalies hold the Stanley Cup

As a bonus he can help the new players in the league keep their booger sugar usage on the DL. Not asking for it from every damn person in the bar. No names.

Scouting Director – Craig MacTavish

I bet I can catch that fat fucker

Dammit, he has his own entry in the urban dictionary.  Thats enough for me.  Plus I don’t think he earned the unreasonable hate that Racki throws his way.

Racki’s Note: He’s earned it as much as Penner and Nilsson have earned their MacTavish-hate…. maybe not as much as Schremp, however.

—-

Looking back, wow did we have some great teams.  I mean absolutely legendary.  With some fantastic players.  They must know a bunch about the game right?  And from a marketing standpoint, you can’t tell me a group such as that wouldn’t bring in some big time cheddar.

Its hard to let go of that idea.  We needed to and I am glad we did.

Now lets start a new dynasty!

3 Responses to “You Know What’s Missing”

1. Max Powers says:

   September 9, 2009 at 8:25 am  Max Powers(Quote)

   OMG that was hilarious about Mactavish in the Urban dictionary. “Did you Craig Mactavish her last night? No turns out she wasn’t a fan of Craig Mactavish”. Pure gold.
2. chucker says:

   September 9, 2009 at 9:49 am  chucker(Quote)

   That used to be the link under my sig on OMB for a couple years. I’m surprised more people don’t know about it. LOL!!
3. Horpensky says:

   September 9, 2009 at 10:59 am  Horpensky(Quote)

   The truth is most players could care less who they play for, as long as they get a chance to win a cup ( eg. Hossa), or get a big fat payday (eg. Brian Campbell), or just a plain chance to play (eg. Comrie)